


and yet, I'm still yearning for you

by Anonymous



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Memory Loss, Slow Burn, kinda self-indulgent, yeonbin and soogyu are both main ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23526550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Had Yeonjun known what the future held for them, maybe he would have stopped him. Maybe, he wouldn't have shied away from his feelings, waiting for a 'better time'.Maybe, before Soobin had the chance to leave, he would have told him the words, 'I love you.'"-Between sparkly eyes and promises of a tomorrow, Yeonjun didn't expect Soobin to disappear suddently, only to find him a year later, with no memory of his childhood friend.In exchange, he brought home a boy to whom he shows the same warm eyes and affection he used to pour on Yeonjun.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Kudos: 16
Collections: Anonymous





	1. See you soon

The airport is bustling with people. Amongst them, Soobin stands near a large panoramic window, looking at the airplanes departing, mind flashing with both excitement and worry. After all, it's his first flight ever and, most importantly, it's the first time he's leaving his home country.

Years of effort paid off as he managed to get a scholarship in New York, where he will be given the chance to study music in an experimental program for a couple years. Of course he has worries and insecurities as he's going so far away from his home and friends, after all.  
Nevertheless, he's learned during these past years to hold his head high, and to -try, at least- chase his dreams, no matter what opinion others people may have.

He really is grateful to his friends. If not for their support, Soobin would still be following the path someone else laid down for him, without truly trying to think for himself.  
His train of thought is interrupted by a loud voice, “Soobinie!”

The tall boy turns his head, and notices his childhood friend, Yeonjun, running towards him. “Hyung, you're late” pouts Soobin.

The older is still trying to catch his breath after running, “My dance instructor... huff, called us in for an emergency meeting. He's probably enjoying his authority since the dance competition is near, that scumbag.”

“Language, hyung.” A smaller brunette boy approaches them, to which Yeonjun sneers, “Your hyung doesn't listen to toddlers like you, Taehyun.” He focuses his attention back to Soobin, “I know I am late Soobinie, but I would have obliviously came to see you before you left!”

“I know, I was just teasing-", the younger pauses, surprised at his friend's watery eyes. He cups the elder's cheeks, grinning widely, "...why are you crying, hyung! I'm not gone forever, and we can still call each other!”

“-M NOT CRYING”, though the trembling in his voice betrays him, “I'm just... getting emotional, baby Soobinie is going to the outside world, alone, for the first time-” he hugs the taller boy, murmuring softly, “promise to call when you land, okay?”

“You really are getting old, hyung. You're nagging like a mom now,” Soobin laughs softly, eyes full of fondness, “of course I will. Also, I will try to visit during the summer and Christmas! If I don't end up broke and failing, obviously.”

“Which I know it's not happening, you study-bug!” the older ruffles Soobin's hair affectionately, “I don't even need to say it, but you already study hard enough to ace any written test. Also, have more confidence in your singing, all right? I have good eyes, thus since you have my approval everyone else will.”

  
“Am I done third-wheeling? I want to hug Soobinie-hyung as well.” Taehyun leans in, teasingly.  
Soobin just sheepishly smiles, “Of course Hyunnie... you're much better than Jjunnie-hyung anyway.”

“Hey!”

~

The animated chatting between childhood friends is soon interrupted by the loudspeaker announcing the departure of the flight.

“I have to go now. This is not a definite goodbye, so see you soon Hyunnie, Jjunie-hyung!”  
Yeonjun greets him with a broad smile and a wave of his hands, looking at the younger's silhouette getting smaller and smaller.

Soobin is walking towards the gate, and just before entering, he turns back and flashes a bright smile one last time, eyes turning into crescents.

Had Yeonjun known what the future held for them, maybe he would have stopped him. Maybe he wouldn't have shied away from his feelings, waiting for a 'better time'.

Maybe, before Soobin had the chance to leave, he would have told him the words, 'I love you.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, if you made it here, thank you so much for reading!  
> I'm actually pretty nervous, as this is my first time sharing something like this. but i will do my best!  
> I have a bit of plans ahead for this fic, hopefully im not overdoing with the plot i have in mind lmao  
> Read the tags for any trigger warning, i will probably add more as the story progresses  
> Lastly, forgive me for any spelling/punctuation/format mistake, english is not my native language but i will try to proofread as much as possible
> 
> If you enjoyed the read, consider leaving kudos and especially comments, they're great motivation to keep me going!


	2. Childhood Memories

_9 years ago_

_It was a day in spring, the sky was clear and the temperature was neither cold nor warm._

_The classroom was filled with the soft chatting of the students wondering why their homeroom teacher was late. Choi Yeonjun is grateful though, since he is rushing against time to copy the homework he forgot to do (absolutely not because he spent too much time blissfully playing with his friends yesterday, nono)._

_Just as he finished, the door opened and the teacher came in, followed by an unfamiliar boy._

_“Everyone, starting from today you will have a new classmate. Please introduce yourself.“_

_The boy hesitated and fidgeted with his finger as he was obliviously nervous, he had his head low and his eyes were slightly covered by his longish bangs._

_“Don't worry, take your time” the teacher encouraged kindly._

_The boy nodded, took a deep breath, and softly spoke, “Hello, my name is Choi Soobin. I'm from Ansan, nice to meet you.” he bowed lightly to the class and proceeded to sit at the seat assigned to him, which happened to be on Yeonjun's right._

_As Soobin sat at his desk, Yeonjun grinned to him, “Hey Soobin-ah! Nice to meet you, you can call me Yeonjun! Do you like to play Cops and Robbers? Do you wanna join my friends to play, later?”_

_Soobin just stared at him, thinking for a few seconds._

_“...ease don't...”_

_“...uh?” Yeonjun could tell Soobin was the quiet type, so he waited for the boy to repeat himself._

_“Please don't call me Soobin-ah.”_

_Yeonjun mouthed an 'oh' in response. He was honestly a bit dumbfounded, but it's nothing against his outgoing personality. “Oh sorry, I won't then,” he added, with a grin, “so, do you wanna play together after school?”_

_Again, Soobin seemed to be contemplating something. A few beats later, just as he opened his mouth to answer, the teacher's voice thundered, “Silence in class!”_

_~_

_When the school bell rang, Yeonjun hurriedly packed his bag to quickly join his friends at the courtyard. He got up and just as he ran towards the door, he remembered about the new student. He turned his head back, “So, Soobin, do you wanna join us?”_

_The boy stared at him, hesitant, then his gaze fell down, “I'm sorry, I can't. Please don't ask me anymore.” his voice wavered imperceptibly, as if his words didn't reflect his wishes. He then got up of his seat and left, leaving a perplexed Yeonjun behind._

_~_

_“Can you believe it? He told me to not ask anymore! Did he think I was a bully or something? I just invited him to play!” Yeonjun_ _pouted to_ _his younger brother, Taehyun, who responded unfazed, "_ _He probably sensed your evil aura already, and wants nothing to do with you, not that I can blame him though. Or maybe, more realistically, you just scared him with your over-eagerness. Besides, it's not like you lack friends to play with, just go on with life hyung, maybe he just doesn't like you.”_

_“You sure speak big for a toddler, Taehyun-ah”_

_“And you act like one, hyung,” the brunette deadpanned, “I'm going to my room. I have homework to do, and so do you.”_

_“Aww, you're no fun Hyunnie. I don't wanna imagine what kinda cold adult you will become once you grow up.”_

_“At least I will grow up. From what I see, you will probably stay a kid forever, hyung." Taehyun stuck his tongue out, cheeky smile on his face, quick to run away as Yeonjun chased him with a not-so-threatening frown._

_~_

_Soobin's mother, Ms. Choi Hyeri, seemed like a flawless woman. She went to work looking neat and flawless, pleasantly smiled when greeting someone and was a loving mother and a delightful person to chat with, according to the neighborhood._

_Her son would have loved to agree. Truthfully, he did to some degrees, save for some bad days._

_'Today is a good one, I suppose', thought Soobin, after being greeted by her when he quietly opened the house's door._

_The boy silently removed his shoes, and walked in direction of his room when her mother's voice startled him, “How was the day, Soobin-ah?”_

_“It was good, mom”, pause. After a few seconds of thinking, he resoluted himself and asked, “...mom, can I-”_

_“Did someone bother you today, Soobin-ah?” Ms. Choi interrupted, making Soobin's nerve skyrocket._

_“-no, Mom, nobody did. I came back home as soon as possible.”_

_“Good, it's a bad idea to wander aimlessly with kids who only know how to waste their time. Your future is much brighter. You do understand, right, Soobin-ah?”  
_ _Yes, mom"_

_“Good boy," she smiled, “now, what do you want for dinner? I can make your favorites!”_

_~_

_The next morning, Soobin woke up early, ate his breakfast and proceeded to go to school._  
_The only problem was that Choi Yeonjun was just a few meters in front of his door. Their eyes interlocked and they were both surprised to see each other._

_“Wait! You told me to not get close to you, why are you stalking me??” yelled Yeonjun loudly._  
_Soobin was a bit flustered, “I d-didn't say that! I just-”_

_“Soobin-ah! Why aren't you hurrying to school?” Ms. Choi exclaimed as she leaned outside, “Oh my, who are you, boy?”_

_“I live in the house at your right, miss!” after thinking for a second, he also added, “and I'm this kid's classmate. My name is Choi Yeonjun!”_

_  
Now, even though Ms. Choi didn't fancy the idea of her son hanging out with kids that could harm his future, she cared about their image. So she can't give a bad impression to her neighbors, all the more since it happened to be a classmate's family._  
_“I see," she smiles, "since you are going in the same direction, why don't you walk together with your new friend, Soobin-ah?”_

_Soobin turned his head, surprise written all over his face. He then nodded back, greeted her and walked towards Yeonjun._

_There's an awkward silence, Yeonjun is just a few steps ahead while Soobin has his head low, looking at the ground._

_“Hey, do I look scary or something?” Yeonjun's voice sounded louder than it truly is, due to the quietness surrounding them. Soobin was quick to deny, “N-no, not at all!”_  
_'Then why do you look so intimidated' , Yeonjun retorted innerly, but decided to drop the subject._

_A few meters later, Soobin resolved himself to ask, “Sorry, can I ask you something?”_

_Yeonjun was surprised, "Sure, ask me anything."  
_ _“Were you born in 1999?”_  
_“Yea, but why are you asking? We go to the same class, aren't you the same age as me?”_

_Soobin shakes his head, “I was born in 2000. I began school a bit earlier, so I'm usually younger than my classmates.”_  
_Before Yeonjun could ask himself about the relevancy of this conversation, Soobin continued, “So, I think I have to call you hyung.”_

_Yeonjun just nods back, a "Sure, call me whatever you like", is the last thing they exchange before they dropped back to silence._

_At school, they sat at their desk and just followed through the routine. Yeonjun had his group of friends, so his mind didn't really wander to the boy sitting on his right side._

_~_

_Days, weeks and months pass by, every day as mundane as ever._

_Today their mock test results were pinned outside of their classroom, so the hallway was pretty crowded. The first place reads: 'Choi Soobin'._  
_Indeed, ever since he transferred here, he's always been either first or second in written tests._

_To be honest, Soobin made his presence so small and invisible that, wasn't his name displayed every few months in the top positions, Yeonjun would have almost forgotten about the younger's existence._

_They live next to each other, hence sometimes they would happen to -if one meter distance from each other counted- walk to school together._  
_But it never happened on their way back home since Yeonjun would usually spend hours outside with his friends, whereas Soobin always went straight home._

_~_

Present day

Yeonjun wakes up to the familiar bell of his alarm and an aching heart.

His sleepy eyes soon widen up as he remembers today is the day for his dance interview, the one he prepared in advance with weeks of effort. He can't afford to fail this, so he drags his sore feet and prepares himself to go to the studio.

He doesn't have time to process any thought, nor his dream about his childhood memories, as he rushes out of the door, grabbing his house keys and his lucky charm as an afterthought.

The day passes by fast, he doesn't know whether he got accepted or not; but he doesn't care for now.  
_I know you did your best hyung, and that's enough for now_ , his mind supplies.

Suddenly he feels his eyes stinging, his best friend's words ringing in his head, making it difficult for Yeonjun to control his emotions.  
_God I miss him so much_. Yeonjun walks faster, trying to not dwell further in thoughts.

A year has passed since the younger disappeared completely, his cellphone suddenly unreachable in any way. Soobin's parents had died years before his departure, so when the calls and text stopped, any link that tied them together fell apart.

Yeojun doesn't even know whether he is _alive at all_ , and he doesn't want to think about any scenario. His heart is broken already as it is.

 _Maybe I should visit Hyunnie today_ , he thinks, as he pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and begins texting his now 18 years old brother.

> Big bro: hey, are you home?
> 
> Toddler: are you coming by? Mom is not home today so no free food for you
> 
> Big bro: IM NOT HERE FOR THE FOOD BRAT, YOUR HYUNG JUST WANTS TO SEE YOU
> 
> Toddler: oh sure, i'm still at school but I will get back in an hour. You can wait for me inside hyung

His family's house and his university are on opposite sides of the city; so after finding a part-time job, Yeonjun moved out to a shared dorm distant 10 min on walk to his university. The rent was not bad and he could sleep an hour more every morning, a pretty good deal by his book.

As his parents' house entered his field of view, he spots a tall figure just a bit further ahead, trying to open the courtyard's door.  
_Wait._ The building has been inhabited ever since Soobin's returned the lease to the landlord, before going abroad.

Yeonjun walks faster, doesn't realize he's running until he can distinguish the figure of a young man standing a few meters further: tall but slender, dressed in an elegant black coat. When the stranger turns his head to Yeonjun's direction, the latter froze completely, mind going blank.

 _Am I hallucinating? Is this some sick dream?_ He wonders distantly, unaware of the deep staring the man gave him.

“Can I help you with something?” the man kindly offers.

 _This is definitively Soobin's voice,_ An uncontrollable amount of question are popping inside Yeonjun's head. But before he can voice them out, a young unfamiliar voice snaps him out of his daze, “Hyung, who is this?”

Yeonjun was so distraught that he didn't notice a shorter boy just behind, blonde hair shining under the sunset's light.

The -supposedly- Soobin stares intently into Yeonjun's eyes. “Good evening, do we know each other? I used to live here but I currently have no memory of it. Are you perhaps... an old acquaintance of mine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally in present time now  
> there will be more flashbacks in the future as the story progresses and more of the past will unravel as the right time comes  
> I know there's not much happening for the most part of the chapter, but everything will be eventually explained!  
> again, thank you for reading, see you soon hopefully~
> 
> late-year edit: no, this fic is not abbandoned, there's still much lacking and life has been busy, but i have it as goal to eventually finish this story.


End file.
